Barbara: I have been encouraged to post this personal addition to the previous post:
I think I was forever changed when I realized for the first time that I have total power over my life. I had created my own life. God gave me the total freedom to do that. Free will! Wow! Life changing.
Oh, but then it followed that I was responsible for what my life looked like. I had no one to “blame” but myself. Ouch! That was a time of letting go of what I call “circling the wagons and pointing the guns (of blame) out”. I love that image. I had no one left to blame for my life circumstances–not my parents, my lack of money or time, my boss or co-workers, my spouse or children, or even my ancestors. My life was the result of the responses, the choices, that I had made to life, one by one, throughout the years.
So I started looking at how I was responding to the people and events in my life, and what I was attracting to myself by those very responses. I began to see that when I was angry I found fault in those around me, and plenty of opportunities to be angry; when I was dissatisfied with where I was or what I had, I found a greater need for possessions or people; when I was judgmental then everyone and everything in my life needed to be fixed or changed. Psychologists would call that “projection”. I was projecting into the world and into my life who I was within myself!
Once I began to awaken and to take responsibility for my choices, something else happened. My ego began to act out. The ego comes with our human nature, but it is not our friend. It is jealous, deceitful, judgmental, protective of itself, and likes to live in the past or the future, and fret about both. It tells us to be afraid–that others and the world are out to get us, and that we must protect ourselves. It says we are not worthy, have many flaws, aren’t competent, are too fat, short, tall, etc. My ego, in an attempt to retain control, went into “blame and shame” overtime.
By then it was too late, however. I had discovered the truth. I was in charge of my life, co-creating it with God each day. If I wanted my life to change in any way I was the one who had to change it. If I had allowed the ego defenses that I had built up, then I could also supervise their tearing down.
That looking at the reality of myself led to the discovery of my Soul…that incredible, wonderful, True Self of me. And once I realized who I truly am–a spiritual being living in a human experience–well, everything changed. The True Self, or Soul nature, is non-judgmental, open, joyful, loving, and best of all, fearless. It doesn’t know anxiety, anger, unworthiness, blame or shame. It is the divine nature of us–the DNA of God. Which is why we can call God, Father. And oh, the freedom I felt with the discovery of that truth!! I had experienced a glimpse of Heaven.
I began to be more aware of, and live out of, my Soul nature rather than my ego. I am still human, of course, and go back and forth between ego and Soul, but I have tasted the love, joy, and reality of my connection to the Divine Oneness, and I am aware of who I really am. Now my challenge (and yours) is to live that out–to BE love, joy, and hope in the world more and more every day.
Blessings to all today!